Guide to Re-evaluating Relationships
A Parent's Guide to Nurturing Supportive Connections
As parents, our priorities naturally evolve to focus more intensely on the environment we create for our children, especially when introducing new individuals into their lives. This includes potential partners who may also become role models for our children. It’s crucial that these relationships are not just compatible with us but also enrich the family dynamics and uphold the values we cherish. Here's a streamlined approach to help you re-evaluate these relationships thoughtfully and constructively.
Identifying Your Core Values
1. Reflective Thinking: Spend some quiet time thinking about what values are most important in your life and the lives of your children. What principles guide your family? Common values might include kindness, resilience, and integrity. There is an exercise in my book ‘Empowered Parents Unlocked - Foundation’ for that.
2. Everyday Insights: Observe your reactions and feelings about the behaviors of others during daily interactions. These responses can be very telling about what you inherently value.
3. Family Conversations: Discuss values openly with your family. Use examples from stories or everyday events to gauge what virtues are important to everyone and why.
Introducing the Goal-Setting Exercise
When forming new connections or deepening existing ones, it’s helpful to understand not just what people value, but how committed they are to personal and mutual growth. Here is a straightforward exercise to facilitate this understanding:
Exercise Steps:
List Personal Goals: Invite the person to write down ten goals they aim to achieve in the next year, expressed in the present tense, such as "I achieve," "I own," or "I develop."
Select the Most Impactful Goal: Ask them to choose which goal, if achieved today with a magical intervention, would positively impact their life the most. This helps highlight their priorities and aspirations.
Detailed Planning: The selected goal is then elaborated on a new sheet, broken down into actionable steps:
Specify the goal with a deadline.
List the necessary steps to achieve the goal.
Organize these steps into a planned sequence.
Initiate the first action towards this goal.
Commit to daily efforts to reach the goal.
Why This Exercise Is Valuable
This goal-setting framework is beneficial for several reasons:
Shared Values: It reveals whether the person’s aspirations align with your family values.
Growth Orientation: It demonstrates their willingness to set and work towards significant objectives.
Compatibility Insight: It offers insights into their character and how they might influence or integrate into your family.
Family Goals Worksheet
To make this process practical, here is a worksheet you can use both within your family and when assessing new acquaintances:
Family Goals Worksheet
Goal Listing: Have each family member write down ten goals they feel passionate about.
Magic Wand: Each person selects the goal that would make the most significant positive change in their life right now.
Action Plan: Develop a detailed plan for achieving this selected goal using the structured seven-step process mentioned earlier.
This approach not only clarifies personal and family aspirations but also serves as a practical tool for evaluating the potential impact of new relationships. It ensures that the people we invite into our lives are aligned with our values, supportive of our goals, and positive role models for our children.
